Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 105: Dark Halloween [JESSE 2.0]

NOTE: This blog was previously published under the [JESSE 2.0] blog at but has been absorbed into Jesse's main blog for archival purposes. You can read all Jesse 2.0 entries here.

Tomorrow night is trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. But this year my house will be dark, for the first Halloween since I moved into this neighborhood with my family in 2006.

Halloween is the first in three late-year holidays that I will be spending without my wife, stepdaughter, or dog. Halloween is a somber holiday -- but it's hard to say if it's worse or better than other more intimate family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

We used to start out the evening watching the "Garfield Halloween Special" on DVD during dinner, something that I, too, had done before trick-or-treating as a child. Then my wife would get her daughter dressed up in some crazy costume.

When I gave out candy the last four years I kind of did it for them, even if they were out trick-or-treating themselves. I did it to be part of the suburban community life that I always dreamed of.

But now that dream is gone. I am but a shell living alone in a large suburban dwelling. I just don't feel like giving out candy this year.

These holidays are going to be difficult, but they are something I'm going to have to get used to. I'm going to have to treat them like every day of the year, or at least relax and catch up on reading, like I would have done anyway.

Other than the upcoming Holidays, how am I doing these days? Better I guess, I am mostly able to go on about life, though they still crowd my mind during idle time and I still dream that they forgive me and take me back. I am still wrestling with the mortgage company on a loan modification. I am still going out with my "guy friends" at least once a week - no females are in the picture yet.

The divorce will be finalized on November 11th. It's not clear to me if I have to see her that day, or sign anything, or if the paperwork we already signed simply becomes official and I get a copy in the mail. I guess that will launch "Jesse 2.1"

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